Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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