:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
