i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
you didnt know i had herpes?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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