Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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