Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
