my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
