I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
My penis needs a shock collar
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
you made out with another girl for some wings
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
