There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
