we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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