The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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