I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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