i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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