Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
