my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
