I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
