Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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