if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Randomize
