remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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