My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
