I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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