dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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