i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
