barbara walters just said penis...
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
