how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Randomize
