why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
