She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
