Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
