Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Can you bring me the toilet please
I am one with the molecules
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
