Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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