never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
