yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
