you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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