R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Four minutes until I can fart!
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
