this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
