There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
