I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
