Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Quick, to the slutcave!
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
My life is pants optional.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
