I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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