i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
They have beer where we have blood.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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