also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
