I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
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What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
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you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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