needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
