What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
