This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
