So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
