mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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