Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
