I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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