i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
