did you get engaged???
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
