Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
