yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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