look no pants
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
