I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
