we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
