no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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