You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
