dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
