the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
