I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
