I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
