cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
