It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
