your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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